There are times when one places a lot of thoughts and emotions behind what they think love is. Females tend to build up moments in our head without being the least bit realistic. Not all of us of course, but a lot of us. Personally speaking, I know that I tend to do this a lot, even with topics unrelated to love. For example, I tend to play out how I think a certain event is going to take place and then I’ll go through all possible retorts or responses, so that I can have a comeback. Most of the time I end up overthinking or over-complicating the situation and end up building stress and angst instead of it actually benefiting me. I find that it is easier and more effective approaching things with an open and positive energy rather than preparing for the worst of every outcome. Desired human responses are not guaranteed. You cannot predict the answer or outcome a person will take on. In addition, sometimes, information you did not know about played an important role in how a situation turned out.
I find that oftentimes people have a misconstrued idea of what love is and how it should play out. Life is more of an improv rather than a rehearsed play, you don’t know what you will find or get until you get there (until you get into that moment). For example, when I was a little girl I had envisioned my dream guy to look like prince charming and be able to protect/ take care of me. As I got older my vision of my ideal mate had changed from wanting him to be musically talented, to wanting him to be tall and fit, etc. Now, looking back at what I thought I wanted is hysterical. Why? Because now I realize that the “perfect man” does not exist and that I am able to take care of myself. Better yet, I do not need to rely on anyone to maintain or take care of me. To me, that is amazing because I know that when the time comes I will be choosing to love someone because of the way their personality and spirit fits with mine not because he’s able to play guitar or has a lot of money.
I am in college because I expect to have a successful career after I graduate. I put in so much work because, as my father always said to me, “Nobody can take that away from you”.
In a way, I have become what I was looking for since childhood, a loving, loyal, strong, talented and beautiful person. Many women are taught from a young age that finding a man to take care of you and be head of household is something extremely important. While that may be true for some women, it isn’t true for me, and it is not true for many other females. Realize that you can be that person you have always admired.
I was disillusioned on what I thought love would look and feel like since adolescence. It is not Prince Charming riding to me on a horse. It is me on horse with someone I can call my “better half”, or rather, my equal.
UAlbany Project MyStory 
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