One aspect of self-love I have spoken about is learning to let others love you. That means understanding that you are worthy enough of receiving love and accepting it. But I am a hypocrite. I didn’t know what letting other love you truly meant until this past Friday. Why? Because I, like many others, have trust issues. Not only do I have trust issues with new people in my life but I have had trust issues with my family. Honestly, I think that trusting others to mean what they say is probably my biggest issue today.
Let me explain.
Last week Friday I was going through emotional turmoil because I was about to go home, to my over-protective parents, and tell them that I wanted to live in another country for 5 months (or more). I had already made up my mind that I was going to study abroad weeks before so I had been prepping myself for the argument of a lifetime. It had already been difficult moving three hours away to Albany my freshman year and I had to convince them for days to let me go with their blessing. So one can already imagine my internal freak out on the bus ride home. Fast forward to me sitting on the couch with my mom and dad who had asked me if I already found an apartment to my liking (still under the impression that I was going to live with my current roommate and trusted friend of eight years). Ready to chicken out and procrastinate with having the conversation, I opened my mouth to lie, but instead what came out was the truth I dreaded saying, “I am not going to live with her because I’m going to study abroad for a semester”.
Shocked at my own words they turned to me and we spoke for what seemed like hours about my decision. I was happily surprised to find out that they were totally fine with the idea of me going away for a couple of months. Obviously they were saddened by the fact they wouldn’t be able to see me for a long time but they supported me and my decisions. They even suggested places for me to go and see! They had their worries about costs and living, but I assured them I would figure out the details when the time comes. I was so moved by their instant support that I started crying. I was feeling happy that they supported me, saddened by the fact that I did not trust them enough to tell them about the things that were going on in my life and also relieved that I did not have to fight with them on something that is so important to me.
I did not allow them to love and support me as my parents because of fear. I doubted their understanding, which is reasonable, being a first-generation kid, but it appears that sometimes I dealt with issues on my own unnecessarily! Just because I didn’t know how to let them love me. Ridiculous right? All the stress and anxiety was for nothing. Sometimes we just have to accept that they are people in the world who care for your well-being and success and that not everybody is out to get you. Love yourself, love others and allow yourself to be loved.
Please Note: The views of our student bloggers do not necessarily reflect the views of the UAlbany Advisement Services Center. These are their stories – their voices.
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