Self love hurts.

Sometimes the best decisions we make for ourselves are the hardest ones to pull off. Sometimes we have to make tough decisions in the present to have a brighter, happier future in the long run. Sometimes we think we aren’t capable.


You are capable. You are strong enough. You can do anything you set your mind to.

Some words of encouragement my mother used to say to me was “If they can do it, why can’t you?”. I never had a response to that but in the back of my mind I used to think “because I just can’t”. It took me a long time to realize that I have the power to do anything because I am just as smart, just as strong, and just as amazing as everyone else, better yet, no one could be better at being me than me.

So then why did it take me so long to realize that?

I’m not sure. It could have been because I was insecure, socially awkward, anxious – or maybe, it was because the world around me had taught me that beauty looks a specific way, that words don’t hurt as much as sticks and stones, that I am grades, or that my greatest accomplishment would be to be the heart of the home.

They lied.

I am more.

I will admit it is difficult to love yourself despite the fact that you were told that you would not amount to anything; despite feeling like the world is against you; despite being dissatisfied with the way you look, the way you talk, the way you walk, and the way you laugh. Sometimes it is difficult to love yourself, but if you don’t love you than who else will? Who else can understand how you want to be loved if you don’t know yourself?

2e12996c52930e4e7845e7e7672ee8d2Self-love is shutting off the voices in your head that say you will never be able to see the view from the top of the mountain. Self-love is loving yourself enough to make the best decisions for yourself, without it having negative repercussions on others. Self-love is knowing who you are and being confident in that entity.

But we don’t do that. For whatever reason, we don’t love our reflections. We don’t say what we want to say because we fear rejection. We don’t take that leap of faith. We don’t believe in ourselves. Instead, we build walls upon walls.

The other day I had a conversation with my roommates about the, oh-so dreaded, upcoming Valentine’s Day. When I asked the question, “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” I was shocked by the unanimous response of “no! you don’t do that, you can’t show him you ‘caught feelings’”.

Because apparently it’s not cool to want to be intimate with someone whom you’ve already had a connection with? Something’s off in the way that society depicts love.

All of the sudden it is the end of the world if you fail or get rejected by something or someone. We fail to rise back up again when we are pushed down. We just sit there. When we don’t have confidence and peace within ourselves how are we supposed to succeed in life? Without confidence and self-love we let our grades drop, we lose our sense of self, we let ourselves get into bad habits, let ourselves rot from the inside out. Because its so important, one has to learn how to do it! We have to learn how to love ourselves. Live by these rules:

  • Don’t let anyone step all over you. You are important. You matter.
  • Speak your mind and be yourself.
  • Be CONFIDENT in the decisions you make for yourself.
  • Allow yourself to love and be loved by others, you are worth it.
  • Love the way you look with and without enhancements (ie. makeup, surgery, esthetics…etc)

Someone great once told me that loving yourself is a public service. When you do good by your self, you do good by others! Especially the ones who want to see you reach the top of the mountain.

…Who is your opponent?
He doesn’t exist.
And why doesn’t he exist?
Because, he is a dissenting voice to the truth I speak.
  – The Great Debators

Please Note: The views of our student bloggers do not necessarily reflect the views of the UAlbany Advisement Services Center. These are their stories and their voices.
About the Author:
Leo 1.jpg
Leobianny H.
Class of 2019
Majors: English & Communication
Past Workshop & Blog Theme:
Embracing the Uncomfortable
Current Blog Theme:

Established in March 2015, Project MyStory is a community building effort to help students better acclimate to UAlbany and to work more effectively toward their goals. We began in UAlbany’s Academic Support Center (ASC), where you will see many of the posters featured above. We are now co-housed in ASC and in the Center for International Education and Global Strategy (CIEGS).

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