“It is all a part of life, making small sacrifices for the greater outcome. And it is so hard being away from someone who you love so much, you can literally feel the grip it has around your heart.”
Destiny – Not like the thing that is meant to happen in life. I am talking about the person, not that she was not meant to happen. She was more of an unexpected flash into reality. Destiny is the only seven letter word that could send my heart into a panic at the sound of her cry. She is the only person that I get to see grow from a seed, blossom, and turn into this beautiful flower that I helped create.
It was not always this easy. Imagine that having a little sister would make me so happy and sad all at the same time. For seventeen years, I was the baby and then, in a blink of an eye, I just wasn’t anymore. Of course, I was a little mad, but I never knew the feeling big siblings felt. I would always see my friends and other families go home to be with the little person in their lives. And for the first time, I had my own little person. She was this unique shell that everyone got to see and play with, but I knew all the secrets about her because I was there. I was and am a part of something big. Even when she bothers me, there is this unconditional, parental, best friend, sibling type of love.
I remember there were nights, when she would wake up crying and I would jump out of bed and rush to her crib to soothe her. At first, I actually hated it, mostly because I love sleep and who wouldn’t want all the sleep they could get, but eventually it became a habit and I went to sleep expecting to be awoken. And sure, yeah, I was tired, and grouchy, but then I would look down in my hands, and I would stare at my little tiny person, who did not even know how she was affecting me – how she affects me, both good and bad.
As quickly as she came, I felt like, just as quickly, she was taken away. But I was the one who left. It is all a part of life, making small sacrifices for the greater outcome. And it is so hard being away from someone who you love so much, you can literally feel the grip it has around your heart.
I do not want her to just know of me, I want her to know me, know who I am to her, know the relationship we should have, and know that I am here for her. I am here to listen, to protect her, for anything really. And when I look at her, I just want to tell her this all at once. How could she really understand? How could a two-year old understand how much I need her? And how much she has me wrapped around those little fingers of hers?
It is different when you have someone mirroring you, because then you not only have to think about yourself, but you also have to think about the person who is watching you.
I did not know that going away to college, she would be the person that I missed the most. And that I would even miss her crawling out of the crib at four in the morning and coming to lay next to me, not really falling asleep, but buttering me up so we could go get juice. And that I would miss her running to me after she had done something wrong, because she has that sisterly instinct knowing that I would want to protect her, and save her from getting into trouble.
It is weird admitting that I need my two year old sister. Everyone always thinks that the people we need in our lives has to contribute some huge, spectacular thing. But my little sister, loves me with the purist, sweetest, selfless kind of love, and to me, that is huge, and spectacular, and I need that. I need her to remind me of my responsibility as a big sister, to show me the innocence in the world when I’ve had a rough day, to look up to me and motive me to be even better than I imagine, and to cry and annoy me because that’s what siblings are supposed to do .
I want you, Destiny, to know that I always want you to be with me, if not physically, then in my heart, because I need you.
About the Author:
Karen H. Class of 2019 Major: Intended - English Minor: Spanish Blog Theme: Because I Need You
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